Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
