Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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