I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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