I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
