soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
