These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
