he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
