You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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