The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
