whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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