Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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