I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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