Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
