Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
