WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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