A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
