and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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