Need sex. Gaining weight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
