i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
