We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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