She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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