I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
