Welp...herpes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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