I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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