i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
