Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
