Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
