Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
