And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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