Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
