im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
