i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I cockslap morals
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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