I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
