used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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