He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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