who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
