Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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