omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
