dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
