i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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