and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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