we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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