You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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