Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
