just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
