We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
