I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
