I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
