is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
