I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
