she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
