Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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