i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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