i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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