haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We need to get me chipped asap
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
