He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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